So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
