ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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