Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
