Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
