I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
