is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
