Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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