so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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