I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
