So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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