i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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