i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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