Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
