That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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