He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize