i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
