in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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