Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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