She announced her abortion via fbk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
