So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
