She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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