Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
