I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
