i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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