I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
