Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
