You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
