My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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