I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
