good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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