"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
