i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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