i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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