he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
