fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
