don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
