If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
