I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
