It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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