so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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