dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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