i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
