The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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