So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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