I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
