yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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