my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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