I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
