I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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