Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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