She said her name was "party"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
