some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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