So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
