She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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