beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
