Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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