I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
