sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
