I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize