My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
