Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
