things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
