Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
