I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize