I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
