I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
