my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
