PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
