Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
