I hope mine doesn't look like that
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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