I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
