the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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