That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
