Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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