he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
