you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
