i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
