Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
