no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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