Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
