I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
