That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
