I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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