He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
