He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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