Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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