I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
