if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
