You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
