Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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