he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
