I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
