According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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