this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
