i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
