I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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