insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
